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Tuesday, October 1st, 2002
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6:59 am - Are You In? oOooOh...
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i haven't written in here in a while and alot has happened. i broke up with adam sometime towards the middle of august. my brother (best friend) andrew died in a car accident about a day after i broke up with him. i started seeing this new guy matt who's acually really really cute and really really cool. i got diagnosed with major depressive disorder again though the doctor thinks that andrew's death may have triggered it. i just moved this weekend. our new house rocks! it needs alot of work, but it's awesome and my room rules! i am sick right now...i got a cold. Boooooo! i hate being sick. i have alot on my mind but it can wait before i start spilling it onto here. um...last nite was fun. matt and i went out (mind you, matt and i hang out like everyday, seriously) and we went to go buy his mom this tea she likes. soo we called up t and told her we were gonna go pick her up. we get to t's house and nikki, jen, and ariel were there, lol. we all decide we're going to pep boys so instead of taking 2 cars, we all stuffed into matt's ford contour, hahaha, fun! we went to pepboys to bother tiny and then went back to matt's house (that time i had to lay down on everybody in the back lol and i got soo dizzy) we played darts and mario cart, air hockey and ski ball or whatever then we had to take them home at like 9 o'clock. matt and i are so great, we seriously are. we haven't fought at all and you can tell that boy loves me. we got back to his house and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. we just kept on kissing and kissing lol. tiny finally showed up like an hour later and he was trying to fix something in his car so we continued kissing lolol, o0oh and now he knows my week spot (my neck) so dammit, it was very nice. ehh, i think i am gonna go to sleep. i am really sleepy and sick =o(
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| Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002
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8:36 pm - Nooo...Not My Candy Buttons!
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Hmm...let's see. Haha, well, i know in the last entry i blasted Adam cos he was being a dork but everything's okay now, as usual. We are so queer. I was going through my old e-mail and one would say "I Love You" and the next one would say "You're An Asshole! I Hate You!" and the next one would say "I Love You" and the next would say "Fuck You, You're A Jerk." Haha! We fight and fight and fight but we always make up and go on like nothing ever happened. How cute! Yesterday after work, i drove to his house and surprised him. His dad let me in and Adam was happy but still being gay. I took him his birthday presents. He liked them verrrry much, Hehehe. We just did the usual. It was fun =o) Well, i am gonna go cos Felicity's going to be on in a little bit. See ya!
current mood:  content
current music: Personal Holloway - Bush
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| Monday, May 20th, 2002
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5:54 pm - Hero? Definitely Not The Hero...
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Adam is such a moron. This weekend was his birthday. He wanted to do one thing and i kinda didn't want to. So we fought like all frucking weekend. Saturday we didn't see eachother becos he got sick. Sunday i started work at the Oakland House so there was a possibility that i wouldn't be able to see him then either. Well the oppurtunity came up and Lena let me drive her car to his house to see him. I saw him and we hung out for about 15-20 minutes. I just went to wish him a happy birthday and tell him that i loved him and kiss him or whatever. The thing was Lena wanted me to go to the movies afterwards to see "Unfaithful". i know if i stayed at Adam's and made Lena go by herself she'd get infuriated. She is the only way i can get to work now becos my father disowned me so i couldn't risk getting her upset and losing out on work, ya know? Adam is frucking hard of understanding becos he is an asshole. Fuck him, man. it was a hard decision. i felt bad when i came home so i came online and wrote him this whole email about how much he means to me and blah blah blah. He didn't respond and he read so i kinda went off at him when he came online. Then he said that i "Ditched" him last night. If he's lucky, i won't ditch his stupid ass forever.
current mood:  infuriated
current music: Black Lab - Learn To Crawl
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| Saturday, May 18th, 2002
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1:52 pm - I Am So High I Can Hear Heaven...
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That Song Is Sooo Great. Fuck man! I haven't written in here in soo long. Alot has happened. I'm still working at AB&S and still with Adam and all...I can't wait for them summer! I am sooo sick of going to school and work every frucking day. SpiderMan is the greatest movie! And the soundtrack is pretty good too. Tomorrow is Adam's birthday but i gotta work. I'm working with Lena now one day a weekend in Red Bank at this really nice restaraunt called the Oakland House. It's gonna be my first time working there so i super nervous. I didn't stop yesterday. I went to school, right after school i went to work, right after work i went to the mall to get Adam's presents, right after the mall i had to go rent a movie for my mommy (which they didnt have so i got my eyebrows done at the place nextdoor), after that i came home and mommy hadn't made dinner so i had to run back out and get mickey d's. lolol - i was sooo tired when i came home. Now, i am gonna go find something to do cos i am bored so - Bye.
current mood:  bored
current music: Hero - Chad Kroeger And Josey Scott
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| Thursday, October 11th, 2001
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2:55 pm - FucKEr! >=o(
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This song kinda reminds me of Adam and shit. i took him off all my buddy lists off of all my screen names except my mom's..lol..so i dont know if i'm ever gonna talk to him again. i might send his watch back in two weeks or so. He said he gave me the watch "So that way he has to see me again"..7 months fucker?!..lol..my profile is like dedicated to him...i put "i know i'm someones baby" in my stats to piss him off. yea,i wish i were his baby but oh well...this ones HIS fault.
I liked you
You showed me
These calls must continue
Time is collapsing in my head
I built all the walls you can?t come in
You were the one that called me last
I highly doubt this thing will last
Sticks and stones, they hurt
When you shoot them through the phone
And you dragged my name through dirt
And it hurts to be left here all alone
Elegant thoughts I will not share
My symphonic silence
I hope you can bare it, baby
I liked you
You showed me
Exactly who I don?t wanna be
I?ll always look for you
I?ll always look for you
No stone was left unturned
You were the one that called me last
I highly doubt this thing will last
CAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE THAT MESSED UP
Sticks and stones get shot through the telephone
With instant results, we?re both left alone
current mood:  numb
current music: Sticks And Stones - Alien Ant Farm
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